Moving Write Along: Advice from the Experts –
10 Tips for Novelists
by Louis B. Jones, Radiance

1. Write every day, setting all other things aside.

2. Read a lot; read widely… and try to read only the best. For example, be patient and assiduous and undertake Proust and Joyce, as well as Austen and Hemingway. Revisit Shakespeare. Acquire the knack of digesting Henry James’ great, weird, elephantine sentences. The lighter stuff on the contemporary best-seller list will be instructive, too, at least in learning the tawdrier tricks of narration. And we are, face it, in the tawdry business of entertainment, competing with pop music stars and reality TV shows, grabbing for the public’s attention; so as you start getting high on Austen and James, don’t let yourself develop a distaste for what’s on the bestseller list.

3. Take care of your spine. Invest in a chair with back support.

4. Love and trust your friends in the book business. You’re in this for the long haul. They constitute your neighborhood. All those editors and agents, they aren’t powerful oligarchs or magnates or elitists, they’re just people who love books and the work that books do in the world. They, like you, don’t know what’s going to work; they’re following their hearts (or the good ones are, the ones worth sticking with). And they’re taking a personal risk in bringing these strange artifacts to the world.

4. However, your most important relationship is with the esteemed reader, not with an editor or publisher, or with a reviewer, or with some old professor you had, or some old anger you consider ennobling, or with some idea you want to be loyal to. The esteemed reader is someone you’ll never meet personally, but who is as sad and deep as you.

5. Keep your attention on your own work table. Don’t look to left and right checking the progress of your fellow writers.

6. Things like MFA programs and writers conferences are fine. They’re good. You can’t expect them to lead to any particular Big Breaks, or Powerful Connections, but they can act like ashrams, or monasteries, more indirectly educating the instincts, magnetizing and ionizing the mind.

7. Be scrupulous in observing the conventions of grammar and spelling. Mastery of the lie/lay distinction and the between/among distinction and the like/as distinction–all such minor accomplishments should lie firmly in your past, by the time you’re publishing. Don’t even trust your copy editors on this stuff. You’re the author, not them.

8. Don’t let your own words get out into the world without your approval. … Unless you’re lucky enough to go on a little spree of publicity for your own book, keep yourself out of the newspaper until obituary time.

9. Stay young. Keep playing around irresponsibly in your work.

10. It seems one does best, in this creation business, if one’s own personal life can obtain to a little constancy and probity. (This last desideratum is perhaps a lot to hope for … and now I appear moralistic.) Keep your promises, stay out of debt, stay married and off drugs, do not be a phony and don’t stretching the truth. Maybe such moral gifts are dispensations of fate, only for the lucky; because after all, plenty of famous writers seem to have led reprehensible lives of betrayal and vice and hypocrisy, glamour, narcissism, celebrity. But there are many kinds of writers. If I add them up in my mind, the preponderance of really worthy books–books that come through as long-term friends as well as artistic risks worth taking–originated from the houses of people who were at least trying. Trying to get it right. The spectacular life doesn’t necessarily go along with the truest writing.

]]> http://writeononline.com/2011/07/26/moving-write-along-novels/feed/ 1 http://writeononline.com/2011/04/28/db-gilles-comedy-criticism/ http://writeononline.com/2011/04/28/db-gilles-comedy-criticism/#comments Thu, 28 Apr 2011 14:11:11 +0000 Write On! Online http://writeononline.com/?p=6563

Moving Write Along: Advice from the Experts – When The Only One Laughing Is You
By D.B. Gilles, author of You’re Funny! Turn Your Sense of Humor into a Lucrative New Career

“I don’t get it!”
“What’s the joke?”
“This is stupid.”
“That’s supposed to be funny?”
“You’re sick!

If you’re new to comedy-writing, one of the biggest hurdles you’ll have to face is criticism.

You probably know what it’s like to tell a joke or toss off an ad-lib and get a blank stare. Everyone does. But most people aren’t comedy writers, so if they fail at saying something funny they can shrug it off and forget about it.

If you’re writing a screenplay that’s a comedy you’re not in a position to shrug off the fact that the three people you gave your script to for feedback all said that it wasn’t funny (or funny enough), you need to pay attention.

Your first reaction will usually be anger. You’ll think they’re wrong or not hip enough or that they were having a bad day. You’ve convinced yourself that what you wrote is hilarious. You’ve done four drafts. Every time you read it you laughed. You just know it’s side-splitting.

Frankly, you’re too close to it. You need two things: distance and some honest feedback.

If the feedback you get isn’t what you want to hear, you can react in two ways: listen to it or be defensive.  It’s that defensiveness that will take you down. It’s also the mark of an amateur. The professional welcomes feedback and opinions. Don’t get me wrong. A professional wants everybody he shows his script to to love it and think it’s comedy gold. He or she will experience that same anger, but will be open to feedback. The amateur is convinced she’s right. The professional has come to understand the value of putting ego aside and listening to what others say. Maybe he won’t agree with everything he hears, but there will be certain comments he will realize are dead on.

It’s those comments that the professional will take in and process to make his script better.

If you have a difficult time receiving negative feedback, it’s crucial that you get over it.

This is your livelihood. At least you want it to become your livelihood. So when something you’ve written, be it a line, monologue, scene or entire script isn’t getting the response you hoped for, it means that what you’ve written needs to be examined. It means that it’s just not funny enough.

For comedy writers the harshest form of criticism is when nobody’s laughing (or not enough people are laughing). In a typical comedy writing class there might be anywhere from 10-15 people working on screenplays or sitcom spec scripts. Let’s say you’re in that class. If you bring in the first few scenes of your new romantic comedy and everybody’s laughing it means what you’ve written is funny.

It’s working.

If only one or two people are laughing it means it’s not funny. And perhaps that one person laughing is your friend so it doesn’t count. Or maybe the one person laughing only laughed out of pity. Learn this now: there’s nothing worse than a pity laugh.

Learn this too: stay clear of people who are too kind in their criticism. You want truth-tellers reading your screenplays. People who say “I like it a lot” or “It’s really funny” or whatever polite line of bull they blurt out, aren’t helping you. The person who tells you that they didn’t laugh much or that a character’s lines are cliché, offensive, sexist, idiotic, or gross is your friend.

Let’s return to the aforementioned comedy-writing class. Problems arise when half the class is laughing and the other half isn’t. Why are seven or eight people laughing hysterically at the same scene that causes the rest of the class to sit there bored, rolling their eyes and clearly not getting it?

If there’s a rational answer, it’s differing sensibilities. To some, nothing is sacred. To others, certain subjects are very sacred and untouchable. Some have a perpetual frat boy susceptibility to bodily function humor, gross behavior and dick jokes. Then there are those who’ve “grown up” and prefer a more adult, witty, clever type of situation and dialogue. But underneath it all is the fact that if three of your friends tell you your script isn’t funny (or funny enough), they’re right.

Just like when 13 or 14 people in a comedy writing class say it isn’t funny, they’re right.

There’s a great book called The Wisdom of Crowds: Why the Many Are Smarter Than the Few and How Collective Wisdom Shapes Business, Economies, Societies and Nations, written by James Surowiecki. The thesis of the book is that under the right circumstances, groups are remarkably intelligent, and are often smarter than the smartest people in them. Groups do not need to be dominated by exceptionally intelligent people in order to be smart.

That certainly applies to whether or not a script is funny.

When you sit at your computer writing funny dialogue, it may genuinely be sound funny. You may be laughing as the words pour onto the page. Or when you sit back and read what you’ve written, again, you may break yourself up.

You might also be setting yourself up.

Clever, witty, funny dialogue is deceptive. I always encourage comedy writers to be smart and current with what’s going on in the world. But sometimes being too smart/clever/esoteric won’t work to your advantage.

When I read a comedy I want to laugh. Give me at least one laugh per page. Three, four or five is even better. As the saying goes, “Keep ‘em coming.”

Listen to the people who are reading your script. Try to get as much specific feedback as possible as to what isn’t working for them humor-wise.

Don’t take the criticism personally. Don’t get upset. Don’t let your ego into it. Just receive. Truthful feedback is painful, but it’s what will help you salvage your script.

* * *

D.B. Gilles teaches screenwriting and comedy writing at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts. He is the author of You’re Funny, The Screenwriter Within, and The Portable Film School. He also wrote the play, “Sparkling Object.” D.B. is a script consultant and writing coach. Many of his students have gotten deals, sold scripts, had their work published and their TV scripts, sketches, and screenplays produced. He writes the popular blog, Screenwriters Rehab: For Screenwriters Who Can’t Get Their Acts Together. He can be reached at dbgillescript@gmail.com.

* * *

Win one of four books from Michael Wiese Productions, including You’re Funny , by taking part in the Write On Online April Challenge.

Moving Write Along – Advice from the Experts: Creating Ongoing Characters in Plays
by Murray Mednick, DaddyO Dies Well

The first character I tried to follow—though a series of plays—was Coyote, in The Coyote Cycle. The Spirit of Coyote was congenial with mine—a kind of deadpan, slightly idiotic, poetic, jokey spiritual type—Indian, for sure—but it was also the technical demands of having to make these more or less esoteric stories or anecdotes into theatrical artistic works, performed outside. That was fun, making waterfalls, and people coming out of the sky, and out of the ground. And there was a linchpin in the duality and endless conflict between he and Trickster, the ornery old goat who knows all of Coyotes’s mindless tricks. The secret, writing-wise, is the vaudevillian by-play between these two entities—vaudevillian in the sense that they know they’re in front of an audience (who is shivering in the open air). At least that’s the way it was for me: I could write my own language and at the same time be true to the Indian legends and stories of Coyote/Trickster, and I had the advantage of Time, as I knew, fairly early on that I wanted the Coyote Cycle to go from twilight to dusk. There was a built in beginning, middle, and end, and the fact that Nature itself was our guide, which seemed extremely fortuitous and serendipitous. And I had the actors, Norbert Weisser, Darell Larson, Chirstina Avila and Priscilla Cohen, who knew what I was talking about and who were game in trying to succeed in pulling it off. We were following an idea and a process, and trying to be true to the ancient Indian material, which, miraculously, matched my own turn of mind as a theatre person.

With Gary Bean, in The Gary Plays, a similar process occurred in the sense of another American Myth, i.e., the Guy to Whom Misfortune Falls, more or less by accident (his son is shot in Griffith Park), which sets in motion a series of events—mainly theatrical in nature—performed knowingly in front of an audience (I think a signature quality of my work). Of course, things keep happening to Gary, as they do to you and me, but in my plays they are more lingustic, let’s say, than dramatic. I mean by that, that the language evokes and is evocative of, a hidden sense of the movement of time and, I would say, Fate, or at least the concept of Fate.

The challenge, of course, is to keep it interesting for an audience, but, more to the point, interesting to me, the writer, in that the theatrical events had to be engaging in themselves in order to arouse my own, chiefly technical, interests. That came down to several (mainly technical) preoccupations of mine: the Chorus, the use of theatrical space, and my own wish, as an artist, to learn something from the (my own) experiences of life. In the eight plays of the Gary Plays, eight different uses are made of the chorus, and I’m not sure I can articulate what they are, but here goes: Authorial, i.e. my voice, as a poet; historical or explanatory, in the Greek sense; as lamentation, also in the Greek sense; narrators, as well as available actors to fill in roles; as alternative, commenting voices, and, most importantly, as a kind of Authority, authority in the sense of the primacy of language, and of the poetic tradition of Theatre.

Of course, the advantage of ongoing characters in a series is both intimacy (getting to know them) and identification (getting to feel them as kin to you, etc.), there is the ongoing challenge of keeping them interesting to a force outside of your own literary evolution—the audience, history, etc., which nobody cares about … but you. But it is the literary evolution of your own mind that is at stake, after all, if given, fortuitously, the opportunity to experiment on the stage in front of an audience, to see, as we say, “if it works.”  So the jury is out. “The Gary Plays” have  been a massive experiment, a theatrical/literary throw of the dice (as Mallarme put it), and I just don’t know for sure what would be the proper aesthetic measurement of it, but it’s certainly been a challenge personally and an even bigger challenge to bring them to the public, although, I must say, I feel a great appreciation, an obligation, and a hope that at least these plays will merit a glance to the great Greek ones of the past, The Orestaia being a prime example.

Finally, each play in both The Coyote Cycle and The Gary Plays, though linked thematically, by the characters, and by certain incidents, are meant to be able to stand alone, and work as individual plays.

* * *

DaddyO Dies Well is the 5^th of the Gary Plays (all are written), and opens April 2^nd at the Electric Lodge in Venice, California.

* * *

Murray Mednick, a pioneer of the Off and Off-Off Broadway movements in the ‘60s and ‘70s and playwright-in-residence for Theater Genesis, wrote such ground-breaking works as The Hawk, The Hunter, Sand, Are You Lookin’ and The Deer Kill (1970 OBIE Award for Outstanding Play), and was the founder/artistic director of the Padua Hills Playwrights Workshop/Festival in Los Angeles from 1978 to 1995.  He is the recipient of two Rockefeller Foundation grants and a Guggenheim Fellowship, an American Theatre Critics Association Best New Play citation (for Joe and Betty), a Career Achievement Award from the LA Weekly, an Ovation Lifetime Achievement Award for Outstanding Contributions to Los Angeles Theater from the L.A. Stage Alliance, a Local Hero Award from Back Stage West, and the Los Angeles Drama Critics Circle’s Margaret Harford Award for Sustained Excellence in Theater.  The Los Angeles productions of Joe and Betty and Mrs. Feuerstein went on to successful New York runs.

Win a Contest and Promote by author Carolyn Howard-Johnson, The Frugal Book Promoter

You don’t have to win the Pulitzer to be newsworthy.

In terms of promotion, there is little that newspaper editors and radio hosts find more enticing than a winner—any winner. .  Here are some guidelines for using contests to gain exposure and expand your credentials:

• Set a goal based on the kind of writing you do and the size of your pocketbook. No-fee contests work well until you refine your contest IQ. Some journals award prizes to the best work submitted for their pages in a given year. Pick contests that impose fees at least as carefully as you might select a tomato from the produce department at your market.
• Find contests from a source that lists less popular contests as well as those that carry names like Hemingway and Faulkner.
• Choose contests that match your needs.
• Pay attention to the contest’s guidelines, except for the ones that call for no simultaneous submissions. This is patently unfair to the author. You know it and they know it. Your job is merely to notify those contests or journals you have submitted to if your entry wins elsewhere.
• To increase your chances and to keep you from worrying about each entry, submit work to several contests at a time.
• Track entries so that you don’t submit the same material to the same contest twice.

Hint: Some journals still don’t accept online entries. Don’t recycle copies from one contest to another. Editors complain about entries that look as if they have spent a night in the rain.

Find suitable contests on the Web, in books and through organizations. Here are a few:

• Use the “Deadlines” section of Poetry & Writers magazine to find reputable contests. Most are very competitive and charge fees. Check them out at pw.org.
• CRWROPPS is an announcement list for contests and calls for submissions. To subscribe send an e-mail to crwropps-subscribe@topica.com.
• A fat volume called The Writer’s Market publishes an updated edition each year. It lists contests, publishers, agents, and tons more. Buy the book and get online access to updates.
• Check professional organizations like your local Press Women, the National Federation of Press Women, and the Wisconsin Regional Writers’ Association (WRWA).
• Do a Google search on “writing contests” plus your genre.
• Subscribe to Winning Writers newsletter at winningwriters.com. I love this one for finding free contests.

(NOTE: The next Write On! Online contest will post April 1.)

Once you’ve won a contest—finalist or first place—you are newsworthy:

• Add this honor to the Awards page of your media kit. If it’s your first award, center it on a page of its own. Oh! And celebrate!
• Write your media release announcing this coup (See the chapters on composing a targeted media list and on writing releases in The Frugal Book Promoter!).
• Post your news on media release distribution sites that allow you to post your release yourself. Find a list of these sites at howtodoitfrugally.com/mediareleasedisseminators.htm.
• Notify all your professional organizations.
• Notify bookstores where you hope to have a signing and those where you have had a signing.
• Most colleges have press offices. Put the administrator on your media list and make an effort to meet her. Ditto for the editors of your high school and college periodicals.
• Add this information to the signature feature (Learn more about the importance of e-mail signatures in The Frugal Book Promoter.) of your e-mail program.
• Add this honor to the biography template you will use in future media releases—the part that gives an editor background on you.
• Use this information when you pitch TV or radio producers. It sets you apart from other others and defines you as an expert.
• If your book wins an award, have labels made for your distributor to apply to your books or ask your publisher to redesign your book cover to show off the award.
• Be sure your award is front and center on your blog, your Web site, your Twitter wallpaper, and your social network pages.
• Your award should be evident on everything from your business card to your checks and invoices. If there is little room, use the words “award-winning author” where you can.

* * *

This article was an excerpt from Carolyn Howard-Johnson’s book: The Frugal Book Promoter.

* * *

Carolyn Howard-Johnson and poetry partner Magdalena Ball are seeking cover artwork for their 5th poetry chapbook in the Celebration Series: Deeper Into the Pond: A Celebration of Femininity to be published later in 2011. The first four in the series are Cherished Pulse, She Wore Emerald Then, Imagining the Future, and Blooming Red.

Please e-mail your submissions to maggie_ball@bigpond.com with SUBMISSION: DEEPER INTO THE POND in the subject line. There is no fee for entering, and only the honor and publications for being selected … and two copies of the finished chapbook.

For more information, go Carolyn’s website.

The Five Secrets to Ebook Publishing Success
By Mark Coker, founder of Smashwords

By December 2011 in the United States, ebooks will account for 20% or more of overall book sales, up from approximately 10% in 2010, 3% in 2009, 1% in 2008 and only ½ of 1% in 2007.  Since ebooks are priced less than their print counterparts, the actual unit consumption of ebooks will reach approximately 1/3 of all book consumption by the end of this year.  The revolution is upon us. Within two or three years, more books will be read on screens than on paper.

For authors, the age of ebooks ushers in a true renaissance in publishing.  In the old world, big New York publishers controlled the printing presses and access to book store distribution.  If you wanted to reach readers with your books, you had no choice but to work with a big publisher.

Today, the printing press has gone virtual and the distribution is democratized. Self-published ebook authors are bypassing the slush pile to publish directly to their readers.  At Smashwords (we’re an ebook distributor serving over 14,000 authors), we distribute many of the best-selling indie (self-published) authors to ebook stores such as Sony, the Apple iBookstore, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and Diesel eBook Store. These authors are climbing the best-seller lists at major retailers and out-selling traditionally published authors.

Below, I’ll draw upon the collective wisdom and experience of the best-selling indie authors at Smashwords to share five proven secrets to ebook publishing success.

1. Honor your reader with a great book. This may seem trite and obvious, but it’s the single most important thing you, the author, must do. Honor your reader with a great read.  When readers love your book, they will encourage their friends and family to read it as well. A great book transforms an ordinary reader into your most passionate sales person.

2. Release another great book. The highest-earning authors at Smashwords, such as Amanda Hocking, Brian S. Pratt, Randolph Lalonde, Rebecca Forster, JA Konrath and Ruth Ann Nordin, write multiple full-length books, and series. Each published ebook offers an opportunity to reach new readers and earn their trust.

3. Maximize your distribution. If your book isn’t available in every major ebook store, then it’s not discoverable or purchasable. Many authors make the mistake of distributing to only one or two retailers. The best-selling indie authors above don’t make that mistake. Most of the major ebook stores are tethered to their own ebook reading devices (Sony Reader, Apple iPad, Kobo Reader, Barnes & Noble nook, Amazon Kindle). For the users of these devices, the shortest, most convenience path to book discovery and purchase is to buy books at the store operated by the device maker.

4. Leverage free and low-cost books. Several of the best-selling authors at Smashwords price at least one full-length book, often a series starter, at free. Fantasy authors Brian S. Pratt and Randolph LaLonde do this with great success. Paranormal romance author Amanda Hocking, arguably the best-selling indie author today, prices her series-starters at $.99. When you price at free or $.99, you make it easier for readers to take a chance on you. Once you earn their trust by honoring them with a great read (see tip #1), they’ll purchase your other books.

5. Have patience. In the old print world, if your book didn’t sell well within the first few weeks of release, it was forced prematurely out of print. That’s sad, because sometimes it can take months or years before a book connects with its audience and goes viral. With ebooks, your book is immortal, virtual shelf space is unlimited and you have more time to find your audience. Many of the best-selling books at Smashwords today took six months or longer to find an audience before they broke out.  Brian S. Pratt, for example, earned $7.82 in his first three months at Smashwords in early 2009. While many authors would have given up after such meager results, Brian was undeterred. More than a year later, he earned over $20,000 at Smashwords in the last three months of 2010. You may break out at a single retailer first, and sometimes even at a smaller retailer. Romance author Ruth Ann Nordin was an early breakout success at Kobo 12 months ago with her title, An Inconvenient Marriage, back when few had even heard of the upstart indie retailer.  This week, An Inconvenient Marriage suddenly broke out at Apple to become the #1 best-selling romance title, even though the same book has been at Apple for almost a year. It can take months or years before you achieve overnight success.  Never give up. While only a small minority of authors will enjoy the success of the authors above, such success is only possible if you work hard and persevere.

Mark Coker is the founder of Smashwords, a leading ebook publishing and distribution platform.  The free service helps over 14,000 authors around the world publish and distribute over 35,000 original ebooks.  Coker is the author of the Smashwords Book Marketing Guide (how to market any book), the Smashwords Style Guide (how to create an ebook), and Boob Tube, a novel that explores the wild and wacky world of daytime television soap operas.

Moving Write Along: Advice from the Experts – Creating E-Books: 5 Simple Steps
by Karen Cioffi, Writing, Publishing, and Marketing – You Can Do It!

E-books are amazing products with multiple uses, whether used as a freebie or for your site or a product to sell. Plus, they can be created for FREE, or for a very minimal amount of money. What else can you create that costs only your time and effort, and sells for whatever the market is willing to pay? And, e-books are easy to produce!

How to Create an eBook: 5 Simple Steps

1. Create content:
The first step is to create your content; this can be done as a simple word document. The content can be anything you think your readers or target market will want or need. In addition, it can be any length from a simple 10 page e-book to a 100+ page e-book.

The choice is yours, as long as it will provide your reader or target market with an informative product that they’ll find of value.

You can also create a compilation of articles you’ve already written on a particular topic and organize them into an easy to read product that includes a table of contents.

Note: It’s wise to include a disclaimer about accuracy if you add links or information that may become outdated. You might also want to add an “All Rights Reserved” with a copyright reference, if you do not want others to randomly share the e-book.

TIP: As with any work, be sure to proofread and edit the content.

2. Organize Your Content
Whether your product is a few pages or 100, having it organized is important. The e-book needs to offer easy reading and clarity, along with value. If you are creating a longer product, divide the content or articles into sections or parts, and provide a TOC.

Be sure to use a large and bold font for section headings and include page breaks for each section.

Remember, you want to provide valuable information, including resources if possible, that will prompt the reader to view you as an expert in your field/genre. This will help motivate the reader to click on the links you provide, leading back to your site(s), products/services, or affiliate products.

Finally, be sure to add a brief bio, including your sites, books published, services, products, and links, on an About the Author page.

TIP: Use plenty of white space. If you notice, this article has very short paragraphs, making it easy to read.

3. Include Images and Tweak Your Content
Once you have the content in place, add images. You can add an image at the beginning of each section, or where ever you see fit. This is another trick to make the e-book more interesting to read.

Using your Word program’s clipart function is a free way to get images. Microsoft has clipart in the toolbar: Insert: Pictures: Clipart. You can also input free images from other sources. Again, the choice is yours.

The images will help break up the monotony of straight content. Another technique is to use different color font for headings and subheading, or for “tips,” or other special information. Changing the font itself is another tool to make specific content stand out.

TIP: Include your own head shot on the About the Author page. Readers connect more with a face than just a name.

4. Create a Cover
Every book needs a cover, so your will need to create one. Again, you can use clipart, or other source of free images.

TIP: After you create a cover, be sure to click on Page Break.

5. Turning Your Word Doc into a PDF
Okay, you’ve created a great word document, now it’s time to magically turn it into an e-book. There are a number of free PDF creator software applications to do this.

PDF is an acronym for Portable Document Format. A PDF creator is an application that converts documents into PDFs by creating a virtual printer that prints to PDF files.

If you don’t already have a PDF converter, it’s time to do an online search for “free pdf creator.” Just be sure the one you choose is Adobe compatible.

My experience is with PDF995. They offer a free version with promotion each time you run the software, but for $9.95 you can get it without the promotion.

Install the software you chose, and you’re ready to go.

To use a PDF converter, choose Print while in the open Word document that you intend to turn into a PDF. In the Printer box, choose the PDF converter instead of your printer, and print.

It’s that simple.

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Karen Cioffi is an author, ghostwriter, and freelance writer. For writing and marketing information visit KarenCioffi.com, and sign up for her free newsletter: A Writer’s World. You’ll get 2 free e-books on writing and marketing in the process, and two more free e-books just for stopping by.

Moving Write Along: Advice from the Experts - Top 10 Ways to Fail At Networking
by Anne Hilbert, Network Navigator

So, you’ve joined a networking group. That’s great, but it’s only the beginning. Do you have a strategy besides just showing up? You collect business cards, then what? Why isn’t the phone ringing with business? What are you doing wrong?

Here’s a list of mindsets and attitudes that sabotage your business every time, and make people run the other way when they see you coming.

1. Don’t go to meetings unless you’re the only one representing your industry. So what if they don’t like me, I’m the only one representing this product/service, so they have to buy from me. Being greedy always increases sales.

2. Don’t ask for what you want. In other words, don’t educate people about your target market, so they’ll know who to refer to you. Let them figure it out for themselves the types of clients, power partners, or recruits you’re looking for.

3. Don’t bring your business cards. You’ll get the cards from the people you want to follow up with. If someone wants to refer business to you, they can invite the friend to the next meeting to talk to you.

4. Don’t ask questions. Why bother asking the other person about what they do or how you can help them with their business. They should know that it’s your world and they just live in it.

5. Don’t contact anyone outside the meeting. 2% of all sales are made on the first contact. 80% of all sales are made on the 5^th to 12^th contact. Continue to assume that you’ll make all of your sales at the networking meeting. Don’t meet anyone for coffee or schedule a phone call to get to know them better. Why bother build an ongoing business relationship?

6. Don’t return phone calls. This person only wants to sell me their stuff. How do you know? They could be referring you to a lead that will allow you to retire! Don’t return that phone call and keep working.

7. Keep score. “I bought from you, so now you should buy from me.” If you don’t get business from this person, start talking badly about him/her to anyone who will listen.

8. Don’t stand out from your competition. Don’t be memorable or different from everyone else that sells the same product or service. You don’t want people to know why working with you is their best choice.

9. Don’t arrive early or stay late for an event. Before and after the actual event is when most business is done. This includes scheduling appointments, answering questions about your product/service and getting more information from others. Continue to arrive just in time for the program and leave immediately afterward, and watch your business go up in flames!

10. Avoid asking “Who do you know?” This is a loaded question that can create multiple leads for you. It also takes the pressure off the person you’re asking to buy from you. Why would you want to peek inside their rolodex or database and get ongoing referrals, when you can settle for one sale from that individual.

If you keep practicing these recommendations, you can be sure that your networking efforts will lead to failure. You will also alienate potential clients from working with you, and create a reputation of being a pushy salesperson.

Networking Queen Anne Hilbert’s passion is helping entrepreneurs build their businesses by teaching them to the right way to connect. Using Anne’s easy and unique method, her clients get more referrals, and form business relationships that keep the phone ringing.

Moving Write Along: Advice from the Experts – Developing Your Writer’s Voice
by writer/performer Fielding Edlow, Sugar Daddy

What is the writer’s voice: a writer’s spirit, heart, and guts? Generally the cadence, rhythm, style, and personality informs someone’s voice. A truly defined voice is easily identified throughout a writer’s arsenal of works. It is the most valuable of a writer’s assets, as this is what makes the artist truly unique. As Martha Graham so aptly put it, “There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time this expression is unique … it is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.” When the channel is open, the voice is unfettered and penetrating. And more importantly, it must be nurtured and safeguarded from those prying crows, who are thinking dollars and not your priceless spirit.

Tips for developing your voice:

1. Find 3 to 5 people who are FANS of you and your work—people who love your voice and will read your work and give you honest, supportive feedback. Your voice needs a vociferous and fierce cheering squad around at all times. This will make it easier to stand up for your voice in times of opposition. These mentors/friends are paramount because they will instill us with confidence and recharge our resolve.

2. Uncover an emotional event or moment in your life and write from that place. Those indelibly etched events in our lives provide us the creative platform to spin trauma into gold. Write to make sense of your own personal demons and to inform your life. Paula Vogel says, “You become a writer the second your parents stop looking over your shoulder.”

3. READ YOUR WORK ALOUD! I am emphatic about this, as it lets your words seep into your skin and allows you to be your own compassionate witness. If you’re writing dialogue, the words must feel natural and conversational. Many times in plays, writers have characters finish complete sentences without any interruptions for pages on end. This is unrealistic. People interrupt each other all over the place in real life, and we must be tuned-in to this.

4. Who are your artist heroes and why? Follow their work and ask yourself why you want to emulate them … then do it. Most of our work is generally a respectful pastiche of other fellow artists, and we must be constantly inspired.

5. Fall in love with your characters, and take them on a date. We may be eating, breathing, and sleeping with a project for years, so we want to hopefully never grow tired of our characters. It is essential that they make us want to laugh, cry, be better people, but most of all be their protectors and guardians. Conversely, the renowned playwright, Maria Fornes once said “If your lead character is most like you and she/he’s doing a lot of talking, make sure that they shut up once in a while.”

6. Self-care. Your voice is an extension of you and the north star of your soul. Are you getting your “safe” outlets? And not necessarily Jack Daniels or Ebay shopping (no judgment), but driving out to the beach and staring uninterrupted at the waves for half an hour. Taking care of yourself? And, most importantly, Anne LaMott always says, “drink plenty of water to hydrate the spirit.”

7. Explore your childhood. Where did you grow up? The corn fields of Nebraska or in a mansion in Bel-Air? Write what you know and channel the people and personalities who you grew up with. Fully immerse yourself in the world you know and are writing about.

8. Determine what medium is the best home for your voice. One’s voice is best developed in the medium which is the most exciting—and easiest—for you. Most people have a certain proclivity for something and it’s important to follow your impulses. And then write every day, turn off the phone, overwrite, and always congratulate yourself for a day’s work.

And keep the channel open . . .

Fielding Edlow is a writer/performer and native New Yorker. Wickedly funny, incisive and hip, Sugar Daddy—Edlow’s newest comedy—chronicles one woman’s epic battle with frosty cupcakes (not vegan), breaking up with Daddy, and learning to stand the sound of her own heartbeat. Paul Stein directs Sugar Daddy in a five week run, October 22 through November 20 at the Lounge 2 Theatre, 6201 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90038. For more information and Reservations call 323.960.7792 or go to: www.plays411.com/sugardaddy.

Edlow’s plays have been developed and produced with Naked Angels, NY Stage & Film, PSNBC, Dixon Place, The Culture Project, NY Fringe Festival, and Home for Contemporary Arts. Her first solo show, Coke Free J.A.P., received the “Best of Fringe award” from Backstage at the NYC Fringe Festival. Her full-length play, The Something-Nothing, was recently produced at the Lounge Theatre with the Mineral Theatre Company. She has also written and produced two short films: Cranky Puss and The Longest Nap. Edlow lives in Los Angeles and performs with the UCB indie . Edlow lives in Los Angeles and performs with the UCB indie team, “Sworn to Sedition.”

Moving Write Along: Advice from the Experts – The Top 10 Comedy Movies
by Steve Kaplan, KaplanComedy.com

Sometimes at the end of one of my workshops or seminars, I’m asked, “What’s your favorite comedy?” I find that an almost impossible question to answer. How can I select just one? I love comedy, I love comedians, I love great writing—there are literally dozens I can watch and enjoy over and over again.

So I don’t bother saying, “This one’s my favorite,” or  “This one’s the funniest.” Because like potato chips, you can’t pick just one. Or even ten. But I can think of a list of great comic artists and ask myself, “Which one’s the best Road movie, or best Woody Allen, or best Python?” And so here’s my list of ‘IF YOU CAN ONLY SEE ONE ___________ MOVIE, THE ONE YOU SHOULD SEE IS________!”

These might not even be the funniest, but they are the ones which I think most epitomize what’s greatest in comedy writing, performance and filmmaking. (Some of you might notice that I still have more then ten. What can I say? Math was never my strong suit.)

In no particular order:

Groundhog Day. A delicious premise, great supporting cast, and the best Bill Murray performance. Ever. And let’s not forget about Harold Ramis’ brave direction. He helped give the movie heart, and when he refused to cut the “Old Man Dying” sequence, gave it soul as well.

Sleeper/Annie Hall/Manhattan. OK, I couldn’t narrow it down to just one Woody Allen, but these three stand out above all the rest. Annie Hall and Manhattan broke new ground and often broke our hearts, while Sleeper just split our sides. Classic moment: Woody and the giant bag of cocaine.

Bowfinger. Yes, Bowfinger. Maybe not as funny as The Jerk or as romantic as L.A. Story or Roxanne, but in its own way it was the ultimate romantic comedy: a daffy valentine to actors, writers, directors, producers, and anyone who ever aspired to any of those roles. That being said, an Honorable Mention has to go to Waiting for Guffman.

The Producers. Forget the film of the musical. This is prime, rude and funny Mel Brooks, with a pitch-perfect performance by Gene Wilder and the gargantuan talent of the late, great Zero Mostel. Best moment: as the chorus belts out, “Springtime for Hitler,” the camera pans an audience full of slack-jawed New Yorkers, frozen in horror and disbelief.

Road to Utopia. Who doesn’t love Bob Hope and Bing Crosby and the Road movies? Utopia finds our boys in Alaska (how prescient) and is full talking bears, talking fish, and the best sight gags, ad-libs and asides of the series. That sound you hear is the fourth wall being constantly broken, as our lovable rogues seem to talk to us more than they do the other characters.

Modern Times. Charlie Chaplin and the age of Industry, as he is literally swallowed by the assembly line and spit out, a bit worse for wear but still full of pluck and hope.

There’s Something About Mary. The Farrellys’ best. In this film, they navigate the line of gross-out humor and bad taste without crossing over (much). Most memorable scene: some say it’s Cameron Diaz’ hair “gel,” but I vote for Ben Stiller in braces, zipping up while the “frank and beans” are still out. In a bathroom that begins to echo the famous Marx Bros. stateroom scene, the Farrellys reached comic heights as most men in the audience reach for their … uh … And you might say that this film led to …

The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Judd Apatow’s brilliant melding of raunchy humor with heartfelt character comedy. And the film works because we’re always made to care for Steve Carrell’s arrested adolescent adult, as opposed to simply mocking him. And when he and Catherine Keener finally do the deed, what more perfect ending could there be then the entire cast singing and dancing to “Aquarius!”

Monty Python and the Life of Brian. More than a brilliant series of sketches, Brian is a brilliant, complete film, with a coda that captures in a song the entire meaning of comedy and meaning of life.

OK, so that’s ten, but already I’m despondent over the exclusion of James Brooks’ masterful, funny and touching Broadcast News; Ben Stiller’s acid love letter to the Industry, Tropic Thunder; Danny Kaye’s The Court Jester: (Kaye: “But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?” Mildred Natwick: “No! The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!”); Hugh Grant in the best romantic comedy between a grown man and a boy, About a Boy.

And talking about romantic comedies, how the hell could I forget to include When Harry Met Sally? Or Big? Or Tootsie?

So, you see, the list goes on. You probably have a completely different list of 10. Post your favorites below. And you know what? You’re right too. Let’s watch ‘em all!

For more than 15 years, Steve Kaplan has been the industry’s most sought-after expert on comedy writing and production. In addition to having taught at UCLA, NYU, Yale and other top universities, Steve Kaplan created the HBO Workspace, the HBO New Writers Program,  and was co-founder and Artistic Director of Manhattan’s Punch Line Theatre. His Comedy Intensive seminar has been presented around the world, and Kaplan has served as a consultant to such Screen Australia and the New Zealand Film commission, as well as companies such as Dreamworks, Disney, HBO and others. Follow Steve on Twitter.

LA Writers, join Steve for a Free Comedy Workshop tonight, September 23, from 6:30 – 9 pm at the Showbiz Store and Cafe LA, 500 S. Sepulveda Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90049. Register here: http://www.eventbrite.com/event/858978227?ref=ecal

Moving Write Along: Advice from the Experts – Top 10 Lists
by Tony Hastings, Founder, The Top 10 Blog

1. Choose a subject that has at least 10 items. For instance “Top 10 Continents of the World” may be hard work. If you feel that 10 may be a stretch, you probably should widen the subject. By the same token if you have too many choices then split the list down to more than one category, it’s a shame to waste good material.

2. Ranking. Some types of lists, like this one don’t really require to be ranked, as they are more for providing information. If you do rank the choices, then start with number 10 at the top and work down to number 1 to build up the suspense. People tend to scan a Top 10 list fairly quickly, so give them a reason to read the whole post.

3. Choose a topic of interest to you, or one you know well. If you feel that you do not have enough knowledge in a particular subject, seek out an expert and invite them to compile the list. Make sure to give them proper credit for the work.

4. Research thoroughly. Make sure you get your facts right. People may disagree with your opinions and that is fine, but, if they are pointing out errors, you will lose your credibility.

5. Don’t be afraid to be controversial. Slip in the odd unusual item, as that is likely to stimulate debate. If you are listing music or movie items, then add something obscure; don’t play too safe, and just list the obvious choices. Maybe leave something obvious out, that will usually get people talking … and commenting.

6. Give reasons for your choices. A straight list of items is boring. Again, expressing your opinions is more likely to start a conversation. Be logical in your arguments for including an item but, as with #5, don’t play too safe all the time, be outrageous from time to time.

7. Be consistent in how you present your lists. Readers like to know what to expect. A consistent layout is pleasing to the eye for regular readers, constantly changing font style, size  or the way you use images can be irritating.

8. Have variety in your topics. I invite guests to write lists on my blog and have had subjects as varied as dog fashion, raw foods, ghosts, and poets! Vary the way you source your lists, invite guests to compile their own, run polls, or perhaps ask for suggestions from your readers as to what they would like to see.

9. Use appropriate images and links. I think that the correct use of these can significantly increase the appeal of your listings. When adding a link, set the target to open in a new page so the reader does not leave your website.

10. Ask for feedback from your readers. As with any blog post you are much more likely to get a response if you pose a direct question to your readers, so …

Let me know what you think. Are there any other important list factors that I have missed?

Tony Hastings is the founder of The Top 10 Blog, a fun blog where you can find Top 10 lists on a wide variety of subjects. Tony specialises in producing Twitter based lists and high quality posts from invited guests on Social Media, Technology, Entertainment, and just about any subject really! Tony, who is based in the UK, has been blogging since early 2010, after a career in finance and retail.